Sometimes, people can say hurtful things. Most don't really mean to be offensive, but the words hurt none the less. Gender dysphoria is a scary condition. Here are 17 things that are offensive to trans people that people don't realize are hurtful.
1. "You're so lucky, you know what it's like living as a girl AND a boy!" Yes. I've also experienced the joys of sporting both a beard and a bra simultaneously and passing out cold the first three times I gave myself my testosterone shot. I DO feel lucky!
2. "What was your name before?" To be honest, I wouldn't have a huge problem revealing what my birth name was, but I'd rather keep moving onwards and upwards if it's all the same to you. Also, when everything from my passport to my birth certificate now refers to me as 'Jake', how is it even relevant?
3. "So, when did you decide to be trans?" Well, as general acceptance for lesbians and gay men had begun to grow, I just started to feel that life wasn't quite challenging enough. So I thought, "HEY! Wouldn't it be super fun to make life that bit harder for myself." Being trans isn't a choice, no more than being gay is.
4. "Can I see a picture of you from before?" I've yet to find a trans person who carries one around for just such an occasion, but for those times when the old pics do come out, they are usually met with wide eyes, and the somewhat counterproductive...
5. "It's such a shame, you were so pretty before." This one. Now, I realize that flattery of this kind is rarely meant as a negative, but when you have worked all of your life NOT to look like that person, and that person's reflection in the mirror probably haunted a large chunk of your early years, all this will do is irritate. 'But you're so handsome now..' usually smoothes it all over!
6. "Have you had the operation?" Whilst this does seem like an obvious question, it surely is on a par with asking a stranger if she has had anal bleaching, or going up to a guy and asking if he's circumcised. Mildly inappropriate, I feel, and certainly before you've even bought me a drink.
7. "To be honest, apart from the beard, you don't look different to me." Thank you. Consider my manhood well and truly dented.
8. "How easy is it to make a penis then?" How long is a piece of string? There are 3 invasive, physically, and mentally exhausting operations to go through, endless weeks and months spent in recovery, a fair amount of risk to your overall sensation, plus interminable requests and hints to see the 'end product' once it's all done. Do I know anyone who has even for a moment regretted it or wanted to go back?
9. "I'll always see you as ...." This to me hurts more than being asked if I feel 'like a real man'. This comes mostly from old but ill-informed acquaintances, who seem to feel that letting you know that they will always see you as just that young lost girl that they used to know, somehow lets them off the hook when they refer to you as 'she' all night.
10. "So, how do you have sex?" Golly, how do YOU? Unless you happen to be either down the local swinger's club, or quite literally about to jump in the sack with someone, is this question ever really okay?
11. "How did your poor parents react?" This will always be a loaded question, as more often than not, initial reactions will have been far from positive. I have been lucky beyond belief with my own mother, but I know many trans folk who have been utterly spurned by their immediate families, which, added to the pressures and strain of transitioning must be devastating, and alienating beyond measure in an already alien time.
12. "Oh, you have a partner? Well, they must be very open-minded!" There is actually a program set up for us to find love. Run by the same people who find pen pals for Death Row prisoners.
13. "Well, I think you're very brave." I know that this is never meant in the slightly patronizing way that it can come across and that you mean well. To me though, you're saying that makes me feel a bit like the gutsy little kid in the playground, who, having cut his knee but simply got back up and plowed on, gets a ruffle of the hair and a "well done, champ!". For me, transitioning was quite simply the only way I was ever going to live a life. Not brave, not courageous, just a way to guarantee me making my 30th birthday.
14. "Oooh, haven't you got small hands!" Yes. Damn my mother and her delicate little mitts. And may I thank you for pointing them out.
15. "Oh. So you're not going to have the operation? Don't you feel like you're sort of... in-between?" Yes. It does seem to be a running theme. Again, thanks for pointing it out.
16. "Wouldn't it have been easier just to be a lesbian?"
17. "Do you think you'll ever go back?" Much as I wouldn't go back to Malia circa 2005, for cheap shots, sunstroke, and the more than likely risk of an STD, I can't see myself ever 'going back' to misery, depression, suicidal thoughts and self-loathing. And, to be honest, it feels like it was all about reaching this point. Now I'm here, I ain't going nowhere!
***Get Your SHANY Beauty Box NOW!!***
Comment below and let us know your thoughts.
You Might Like
